MAMPAM Appears Out Of Nowhere!

Oh, steady the mountains, look over your boulders, here come the ancients; it's MAMPAM!!!!
Who'd a thunk it? After a hiatus of literally weeks, where nobody could find it, MAMPAM surprises us all by launching itself from the NHS servers and out into the ether, grabbing us all by the perpendiculars and screaming in our faces: 'Would you like some Spontaneous Combustion Sauce with that, Vicar?'
 
Christ, I'm excited. I mean, really really excited. Do you want to know why? I bet you can't guess. This man wants to know the reason why. He really really wants to know the reason why.
 
 

 
I'll tell you the reason why - because MAMPAM is back, hoo yah!
 
I got this email from Jon, our man in Maidstone, recently:
 

"I've drunk quite a lot of wine recently. On occasion I've eaten some pizza. I even looked at a bag of Monster Munch. Flamin' Hot flavour if memory serves. But at no point were all three combined. This hasn't sat right with me.

But what's to be done?' I hear you ask. Well MAMPAM, that's what."

 

I hear you Jon. That's why this MAMPAM is going to be an October Special! Oh yes! Look to the stars and grapple with your senses; rinse your pies down the plughole and gawp no longer at the traction belts of fame, for this is the time when we tale a bunsen burner to the leaky gas pipe of life, and say 'Eggs to you, slaphapplers!'

Úm Úpdate

Phew! Glad I got that off my chest! Right, now t more pressing matters. The Úm Louts play Davies International Tonight. We have a strapped up squad but we believe that we can make it another 3 points and another unbeaten game. We are up to 3rd today, where will we be come the end of the game today?

See you at MAMPAM!

The Úm Louts Match Report: Week VI

Week VI saw The Úm Louts drag ourselves onto the league leaders and our toughest test. Complications arose by way of the captain being waylaid and unable to play owing to a burst arm (or rib) and Pete having a broken arse. With the captain out of action it was up to me to write the report on yet another glorious defeat, following in a long line of glorious English defeats: the Light Brigade, Harold II and Gazza.

The Úm Louts Match Report: Week V

Week 5 of the Elms' Summer League saw the mighty warriors of the Úm Louts potted against the evil Rocketeers. We lost in an enthralling encounter but the mood in the camp was not darkened, as the Captain's email will show.

Let me take you back a few years.

Eight years in fact. A time when the ‘Double Dip’ meant nothing to anyone, where the Olympics were no more than a pipe dream, where The News Of The World was core reading on a Sunday. A time when Nokia ruled the roost, Snake 2 occupied our time, careers were being forged by all of us. Schumacher winning every week, Pie Club on a Thursday, Late Night London venues aplenty, before Joe swapped Balham for Brooklyn, and we swapped Joe for Pete.

The Üm Louts

MAMPAM has traditionally been a bastion and birthplace of many new traditions. Traditionally these traditions have erred on the side of more traditional traditions, such as the eating of pizza, the monstering of munch, and the regardement of Christ-bitingly crappy films.