Captain's Email #2; 10--07-2012

Part 2 of my quest to update the MAMPAM / Üm Lout sees me revisit the week when poor Alex was called away for a disciplinary hearing in New York, so I had to stand in as Vice Captain. The week also saw us take a cool three points by way of the far-from-punctual The Marones. But that didn't mean we couldn't get a game in, and luckily Jumpers for Goals stepped up to offer us a new challenge..


Morning Louts,

Well, where to start? Three points on the board, a pretty comprehensive victory (you might even call it a walkover) and the greatest night in the short history of The Üm Louts. As Alex was sadly in absentia, I am going to take up temporarily the mantle of providing a summation of the night’s events.

Pre Match Highlights

• Ben, upon receiving the ball, with his first touch whacking it straight into the trees in the road opposite, and putting his head in his hands in shame
• Me doing some stretches and almost every joint in my legs clicking out of / into place (it had been a long day at Farnborough)
• The sudden downpour that drenched the outfield, and us, and created difficult playing conditions, instantly playing into our hands
• Jon being called up as a late supersub for Blue Hawaii and contributing to a 2-1 win
• Pete’s belly dancing warm ups. Highly erotic, and clearly effective.
• Kev’s fist touch, curling the ball into the top corner when we were practising shots. At that point I think we all knew things might go our way.
• Kev pretending to put £200 on us to lose and £1 on Ben as last goalscorer.

During The Match

• An early goal, which settled the pre-match nerves and gave us the platform from which we built our victory. Plus it was a lovely little shimmy past the last man.
• Russell’s terrific, tenacious, tireless hounding of the opposition. Great spoiling play.
• Everybody shouting “Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!” at Dan (not me, the other one).
• Darryl’s counter attacking goal. Up the pitch in about 4 seconds, little shot, goal. Simple.
• My chest down and volley just wide of the post – I really wish it had gone in!
• Final score of 6-2 to the Üm Louts, proving that we can play.

After The Match

• Kev being told by the referee that we should keep the swearing to a minimum because of the residents. Not happy. Not happy at all.

We should be at around low-mid table now with goal difference and the Hurricanes not turning up so being walked over. Let’s push on next week to consolidate mid table comfort.

Up the Louts!

The Vice Captain